No sleep

I don't know any other way to say it - this night has been hell.

Yesterday, Riley was on a constant sedation for his MRI. Constant meaning he was getting it continuously. He was brought back to recovery to wait for his EEG, and pretty much as soon as they rolled him in, he sat straight up and began fussing. She the drug they were using didn't keep him knocked out, they switched to another drug called ketamin. This worked immediately and got him through the EEG, but he still had the echo cardiogram to go. Just as soon as the EEG was over, he sat up again and began taking all the probes off his head. It took two more doses of ketamin to get him through the echo and the doctor said he had had enough to keep an elephant down. We were told he may sleep most of the day, but we know Riley better than they do.

We got back to the hotel at 5pm and Riley quickly polished off 10 chicken McNuggets. We had a nice visit with one of our favorite nurses, Alisha, and Riley was a doll - cute and entertaining the whole time. Then, like clock work, Riley started his compulsion of taking of his shirt and having it put back on over and over and over again, while screaming in his high pitched Dr. Jekyll voice. We finally got him settled down around 11pm, but he was at it again by 1am. After trying everything possible to keep the clothes on and the screaming down, I decided I should leave with Riley before we got kicked out of the hotel. With neither of us dressed appropriately, we headed to the van, me crying and Riley screaming the whole way.

I had no idea where I would go, other than a trip to the gas station first. But before I could make it there, I saw flashing blue lights coming up behind me. I don't know who was more hysterical, me or Riley, but the officer was very understanding and could tell I hadn't been drinking, even though he pulled me over for swerving. We made it to the gas station and rode around a little while until Riley dozed off, and silly me thought I could head back to the hotel and get in the back seat with Riley and we could both sleep. That didn't happen, so I started driving again. At 3:30am, we visited Triangle Town Center, one of the malls my company owns that I didn't get to see the whole 8 months we lived here. We ended up at the hotel again and I got about a 20 minute nap while Riley stayed awake QUIETLY in the back seat. We hit McDonald's at 5am but Riley didn't touch his breakfast. I'm sitting here now trying to decide if I should have a second egg mcmuffin. Riley has sat here quietly while I type this on my blackberry, but now he is starting up again. He has said he is tired several times and I have no doubt he is. A few times tonight during Riley's "ranting", I've heard him say I'm sorry. I can't help but think back to when Riley was having chemo before he got so bad off. He would through up and say, "mommy, I'm sorry I am like this.". It would break my heart and I would tell him he never needed to apologize for being sick. There is a part of me that wonders if Riley has brief moments where he is telling us he is sorry. I honestly hope not because that would just kill me.

I am just waiting now for the hotel guests to start stirring so Riley and I can go back in. Poor Riley won't get any sleep before heading out again, but I don't think I will be seeing Dr. Martin today.